Part 2: Mulan's Transformation - Mulan Uses the Name Ping

[Cut to Mulan sitting at the base of the Great Stone Dragon in the rain. Mulan looks down to see her reflection in the puddle caused by the rain. She watches her parents in the bedroom. Fa Li turns away from Fa Zhou and walks out of sight. Fa Zhou blows out the light. Mulan gets up and walks to the Fa Family Temple. Mulan's image reflects off the stone tablets as she lights incense and places it in the hanging incense holder. She bows and prays to her ancestors. Getting up, Mulan hurries down the steps. Cri-Kee sees her and hops down from above and follows her. Mulan goes to her parent's bedroom and takes the conscription notice replacing it with the hair comb her mother gave to her. She pauses to give her sleeping parents a loving, sorrowful look and hurries out. Cut to Mulan in the armory. She opens the cabinet with the armor. Using her father's sword, she cuts her hair short and ties it up above her head. She finishes putting on the armor and ties it in the front. She takes the sword and places it in the scabbard to her left. Cut to Mulan in the stable doorway. Khan rears back in fright at the sight of Mulan. Mulan goes forward and comforts Khan letting him know her identity. Mulan walks Khan out of the stable, Cri-Kee watches from the ground as she passes by. Mulan takes one sorrowful glance back at her parents bedroom and rides Khan through the gate and off to camp]
[Cut to the face of a statue in the Fa Family Temple. The eyes glow. Cut to Grandma Fa. She wakes up with a start rising in bed. Cut to Grandma Fa walking into Fa Li and Fa Zhou's bedroom, both are in bed]
Grandma Fa Mulan is gone.
Fa Zhou [waking up] What? It can't be. [Fa Zhou looks at his night stand and notices the hair comb in place of his conscription notice. He checks the cabinet and sees his armor is gone. He hurries outside] [calling out] Mulan! [He stumbles while walking because of his leg injury] No.
Fa Li [kneeling down beside the fallen Fa Zhou] You must go after her. She could be killed!
Fa Zhou [sadly] If I reveal her, she will be. [Fa Zhou embraces Fa Li]
Grandma Fa Ancestors, hear our prayer: Watch over Mulan.
[Cut to the Fa Family Temple. A wind blows out the incense at the base of the center stone. The center stone begins to glow as First Ancestor comes to life]
First Ancestor [motioning to a bronze dragon] Mushu, awaken!
[Mushu comes to life and falls to the ground flat on his back all being obscured by smoke]
Mushu [rising from the smoke arms stretched out] I live! So tell me what mortal needs my protection Great Ancestor. You just say the word and I'm there.
First Ancestor [agitated] Mushu!
Mushu Hey, let me say something. Anybody who is foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be MINE. Hrrrrr.
First Ancestor [sternly to silence Mushu] Mushu! These are the family guardians [motioning towards the stone statues on pedestals near the ceiling]. They...
Mushu [dejectedly] Protect the family.
First Ancestor [pointing to the empty pedestal] And you, oh demoted one.
Mushu I...ring the gong.
First Ancestor That's right, now, wake up the ancestors.
Mushu One family reunion coming right up. [ringing the gong] Okay people, people look alive, lets go! C'mon get up. Let's move it, rise and shine. You all way past the beauty sleep thing trust me!
Ancestor 1 I knew it, I knew it. That Mulan was a trouble maker from the start.
Ancestor 3 Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family.
Ancestor 2 She's just trying to help her father.
Ancestor 4 [appearing out of thin air] But, if she is discovered, Fa Zhou will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate.
Ancestor 5 Not to mention they'll lose the farm.
Ancestor 1 My children never caused such trouble. They all became acupuncturists.
Ancestor 3 Well, We can't all be acupuncturists.
Ancestor 6 No, your great granddaughter had to be cross-dresser!
[All ancestors argue at once, except First Ancestor]
Ancestor 7 Let a guardian bring her back.
Ancestor 8 [grabbing Mushu and bringing him next to a guardian] Yes, awaken the most cunning.
Ancestor 4 [taking Mushu and holding him next to the stone rabbit guardian] No, the swiftest.
Ancestor 9 [grabbing Mushu and holding him next to the stone monkey guardian] No, send the wisest.
First Ancestor Silence! We must send the most powerful of all [Motioning to the Great Stone Dragon as it is seen through the window]
Mushu [climbs up the empty guardian post laughing] Ho, ho, heh, heh. Okay, okay, I get the drift, I'll go. [All Ancestors give a quick look of surprise and laugh uncontrollably] You all don't think I can do it. Watch this here. [Mushu produces a small flame from his mouth] Ah, ha, Jump back, I'm pretty hot huh. Don't make me have to singe nobody to prove no point.
First Ancestor [grabbing Mushu and pulling away from the post] You had your chance to protect the Fa family.
Ancestor 6 Your mis-guidance led Fa Deng to disaster.
Fa Deng [with his decapitated head on his lap] Yeah, thanks a lot.
Mushu And your point is?
First Ancestor The point is we will be sending a real dragon to retrieve Mulan.
Mushu What? But I'm a real dragon.
First Ancestor [grabbing Mushu and pulling him away from the guardian post as Mushu fights to hold on] You are not worthy of this spot. Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon. [First Ancestor throws Mushu out of the temple]
Mushu [looking back into the temple] So you'll get back to me on the job thing.
[An ancestor throws Mushu's gong and hits Mushu in the face]
Mushu [walking with a slouch and banging the gong on the ground] Just one chance is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill ya.
Mushu [rings the gong and looks at the Great Stone Dragon] Yo rocky, wake up! You gotta go fetch Mulan. [pauses as nothing happens. Mushu walks over to the side of the statue] C'mon boy, go get her, go on, [throws the gong stick off the screen and whistles] Come on. [Angrily while climbing up the Great Stone Dragon] Grrr, Grrrr. [speaking in his ear and banging the ear with the gong] Hello, helloooooo. [curtly] Hello [bangs the gong extra hard against the ear causing it to break off]. Uh oh. [The Great Stone Dragon crumbles to the ground, head intact minus the ear]. [knocks on the dragon's head] Uh, Stoney, Stooooneeey. Oh man, they're gonna kill me!
First Ancestor [calling out through the temple window] Great Stone Dragon, have you awaken?
Mushu [holding the head of the Great Stone Dragon up to that First Ancestor can only see it's head and Mushu's body] Uhhh, Yes, I just woke up. I'm I'm the Great Stone Dragon, good morning [Mushu waves]. I will go forth and fetch Mulan. Did, did I mention that I was the Great Stone Dragon?
First Ancestor Go, The fate of the Fa Family rests in your claws.
Mushu Don't even worry about it, I will not lose face. [Mushu falls down the hill under the weight of the Great Stone Dragon's head and lands on the dragon's pedestal with the head falling on top of him]
Mushu [muffled] Ow, my elbow. Aw, aw, I know I twisted something. [Throwing the head off him] That's just great. Now what? I'm doomed! And all 'cause miss man decides to take her little drag show on the road.
[Cri-Kee enters stage right]
Cri-Kee Chirp, Chirp.
Mushu Go get her? What's the matter with you? After this great stone Humpty Dumpty mess, I'd have to bring her home with a medal to get back in the temple. Wait a minute, that's it! I make Mulan a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work. That's the master plan. Ah, you done it now. [Mushu runs off stage right]
Cri-Kee [hopping along side of Mushu] Chirp. Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Mushu [pushing Cri-Kee away]: Hey, what makes you think you're coming?
Cri-Kee Chirp, Chirp.
Mushu You're lucky? Ho, ho, heh. Do I look like a sucker to you?
Cri-Kee Chirp. Chirp.
Mushu Whach' you mean loser? How 'bout I pop one of your antenna's off and throw it across the yard. Then who's a loser, me or you?
[Cut to Shan-Yu leading his army at a charge on horseback through a forest. He stops and motions stage right. Hun Archer, Hun Strong Guy, Hun Long-Hair Guy dismount and walk into the forest. They throw down two Imperial scouts before the rest of the army]
Hun Long-Hair Guy Imperial scouts.
[Shan Yu dismounts and walks towards the scouts]
Scout #1 Shan-Yu.
[He crouches down in front of them]
Shan-Yu [adjusting Scout #1's collar]: Nice work, gentlemen. You found the Hun army. [motioning to the soldiers on horseback. The Hun army laughs]
Scout #2 The Emperor will stop you.
Shan-Yu [grabs Scout #2 by the shirt collar and lifts him up to his face] Stop me? He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well I'm here to play his game [Shan-Yu throws Scout #2 to the ground and points his sword at Scout #1 as he gets up and runs] [calling out to the scouts] Go! Tell your emperor to send his strongest armies. [Quietly] I'm ready.
[The Imperial Scouts run off towards the palace]
Shan-Yu [scratching his chin] How many men does it take to deliver a message.
Archer Guy [drawing back his bow] One.
[End Interlude]
[Cut to Mulan on a hill outside of the camp. Khan is sitting watching]
Mulan Okay, okay, how 'bout this? Ahem, [in her manly voice] excuse me, where do I sign in? Hah, I see you have a sword. I have one too. They're very manly and tough [Mulan bites her lip as she mishandles pulling the sword out of the scabbard and it falls to the ground. Khan rolls on his back in laughter. Mulan throws her shoe and hits Khan in the head with it quieting Khan]. I'm working on it. Who am I fooling? It's going to take a miracle to get me into the army.
[Mushu appears as a giant shadow being cast on a rock with flames on either side. Mushu's real appearance remains out of sight]
Mushu [in a Southern Baptist Preacher's voice] Did I hear someone ask for a miracle!? Let me hear you say aye!
Mulan [Running and hiding behind a rock] Ahhhhhh.
Mushu That's close enough.
Mulan [from behind a rock] A Ghost.
Mushu Get ready Mulan your serpentine salvation is at hand. For I have been sent by your ancestors-- [notices Cri-Kee making a hand shadow of a dragon on the rock and stamps him down with his foot] to guide you through your masquerade. [bending down to Cri-Kee] C'mon, you're gonna stay you're gonna work. [returning to Mulan] So heed my word, 'cause if the army finds out that you are a girl, the penalty is death. [big flames shoot up from the rocks]
Mulan Who are you?
Mushu Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls. [Mulan smiles big in anticipation of seeing her guardian] I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible [coming out from the rocks to show his real size] Mushu! Oh hah, hah, pretty hot, huh? [Khan stomps on Mushu. Mulan pushes Khan back]
Mulan Ah, my ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?
Mushu Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing [flips out his tongue to show Mulan what he means].
Mulan You're uh...
Mushu Intimidating? Awe inspiring?
Mulan [making a hand gesture to denote his smallness of size] Tiny.
Mushu [with a look of disappointment] Of course. I'm travel size for your convenience. If I was my real size, your cow here [patting Khan on the nose] would die of fright. [Khan tries to bite Mushu] [pointing to the ground speaking to Khan] Down Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, [leaning in and looking at Mulan's chest] my eyes can see straight through your armor. [Mulan cover her bust with her left arm and slaps Mushu with the right] Ow. [angrily] All right, that's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family. [aside to Cri-Kee] Make a note of this [Cri-Kee grabs a leaf and a pen and starts writing]. [Loudly with gusto] Dishonor on you. Dishonor on your cow. Dis-
Mulan [pleadingly while covering Mushu's mouth] Stop! I'm sorry, I'm sorry [kneeling down in front of Mushu]. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.
Mushu Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more, we clear on that? [Mulan nods emphatically]. All right. Okey dokey, let's get this show on the road. Cri-Kee, get the bags [Mushu starts walking to the camp]. [to Khan] Let's move it heifer.
[Cut to Mulan at the camp's entrance]
Mushu [hiding in Mulan's armor poking his head out from her back] Okay this is it, time to show 'em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up [Mushu pulls Mulan's head back] ...and strut 2, 3, break it down, 2, 3 and work it, [Mulan walks into the camp drawing the attention the men who see her. Mulan walks into a tent and sees a man picking his nose and another man picking out dirt from between his toes with chopsticks] Beautiful isn't it?
Mulan [making a face of disgust and continuing to walk] They're disgusting.
Mushu No, they're men. And you're going to have to act just like them, so pay attention.
[Mulan stops and watches Yao, Ling, Chien-Po and Tattoo Soldier]
Tattoo Soldier [showing the dragon tattoo on his chest and belly] Look, this tattoo will protect me from harm.
[Yao thinks for a moment, then punches Tattoo Soldier in the stomach causing Ling to laugh. Mulan watches in utter amazement. Yao kisses his hand]
Ling [laughing] I hope you can get your money back.
Mulan I don't think I can do this.
Mushu It's all attitude. Be tough like this guy here [looking at Yao].
[Mulan looks at Yao as he hocks up a loogie and spits]
Yao [noticing Mulan watching him] What are you looking at?
Mushu Punch him, it's how men say 'hello.'
[Mulan looks at her fist, then punches Yao from behind on the shoulder. The force causes Yao to run into Chien-Po]
Chien-Po Oh Yao, you made a friend.
Mushu Good, Now slap him on the behind, they like that.
[Mulan slaps Yao on the behind]
Yao Wu hoo hooooo. [grabbing Mulan buy the collar] I'm going to hit you so hard it'll make your ancestors dizzy.
Chien-Po [Holding and picking up Yao] Yao, relax and chant with me. Yaaaaaaa Moouuuu Ahhhhhh Doooou Fuuuu Daaaaa.
Yao Ya Mi Ah To Fu Da.
Chien-Po Feel better?
Yao [relaxed] Yeah. [Chien-Po places Yao back on the ground] [to Mulan while walking away] Aaaaa, you ain't worth my time chicken boy.
Mushu [loudly] Chicken boy!? Say that to my face ya limp noodle!
[Yao grabs Mulan by the collar cocking back his arm to punch. Mulan ducks as Yao hits Ling standing behind her]
Yao Oh, sorry Ling. Hey!
[Yao grabs Mulan's foot as she starts to crawl away. Ling kicks Yao on the butt causing him to land on Chien-Po's stomach. Ling jump attacks Mulan, but she ducks and he lands on Yao on top of Chien-Po ]
Ling You're dead. [They fight on top of Chien-Po. Mulan runs away. Ling notices Mulan and then points toward her] Oh, there he goes.
[Mulan runs into a tent and stops. Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po (in that order) run through the tent. Yao stops short as he is about to run into a soldier in a line for food. He looks behind him with concerned eyes as Ling stops in time. Chien-Po bumps into Ling causing the entire line of soldiers to fall forward and knock over the pot of congee and the cook behind it. The men look to the back of the line and spy Mulan who has emerged from the tent. They angrily start walking towards her. Mulan has a look of horror on her face as if trouble is about to brew]
Mulan Hey guys.
[Chi Fu watches and then walks into the tent. General Li and Li Shang are in the tent]
General Li [motioning with his pointer to a map of the region] The Huns have struck here, here and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Shao Pass and stop Shan-Yu before he destroys this village.
Chi Fu Excellent strategy, Sir. I do love surprises, Ha ha, ha, ha.
General Li You will stay and train the new recruits. When Chi Fu believes you're ready, you will join us...Captain. [General Li hands a sword to Shang]
Shang Captain?
Chi Fu Oh, this is an enormous responsibility, General. Uh, perhaps a soldier with more experience--
General Li Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques, [leaning back smugly stroking his chin] an impressive military lineage. I believe Li Shang will do an excellent job.
Shang [excitedly] Oh, I will. I wont let you down. This is, I mean, I...[somberly] yes sir.
General Li [gets up and starts walking out of the tent] Very good then. We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City. [to Chi Fu] I'll expect a full report in three weeks.
Chi Fu [to Shang] And I wont leave anything out. [exits through the tent]
Shang [while tying his sword to his uniform] Captain Li Shang, Hmmm, leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. Heh, heh, heh, heh. [Shang walks out of the tent to see the recruits fighting. He stands stage left of Chi Fu and General Li. Injured Recruit sees the General and salutes him as he falls to the ground. General Li steps over Injured Recruit and mounts his horse]
Chi Fu Most impressive.
General Li Good luck Captain. [The general and his mounted troops leave the camp]
Shang [quietly, to himself] Good luck, Father. [Shang looks at his troops and sighs]
Chi Fu [smirking, with board and brush in hand] Day one.
Shang [shouting] Soldiers!
All Recruits [backing away revealing Mulan and pointing at her. Mulan is crouching in the fetal position on the ground] He started it!
[Shang approaches Mulan and looks down over her. Mulan looks up, sees Shang over top of her and gets up quickly dusting herself off]
Shang [to Mulan] I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp!
Mulan Sorry, [ switching to her man voice] Uhh, I mean, sorry you had to see that. [with her fist she taps Shang on the shoulder] But you know how it is when you get those, uh [pounding her chest] manly urges and you just gotta kill something [slapping her hand], fix things, uh, cook outdoors.
Shang What's your name?
Mulan [stumbling] Ahh, I, uhhh, I, uh--
Chi Fu [stepping into Mulan's face] Your commanding officer just asked you a question.
Mulan Uhh, I've got a name. Huh. And it's a boys name too.
Mushu [from the back of Mulan] Ling, How 'bout Ling?
Mulan [to Mushu motioning with her head to Ling] His name's Ling.
Shang I didn't ask for his name. I asked for yours.
Mushu Try, uh, ahh, Chu!
Mulan Ah Chu.
Shang Ah Chu?
Mushu Gesundheit. He He, I kill myself.
Mulan [whispering over her shoulder] Mushu.
Shang Mushu?
Mulan No.
Shang Then what is it!
Mushu Ping! Ping was my best friend growing up!
Mulan It's Ping.
Shang Ping.
Mushu Of course Ping DID steal my gir-[Mulan reaches back and grabs holds Mushu's mouth together]
Mulan Yes, my name is Ping.
Shang Let me see your conscription notice. [Takes the notice from Mulan] Fa Zhou, *the* Fa Zhou?
Chi Fu I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son.
Mulan Um, he...doesn't talk about me much. [Mulan tries to hawk up a loogie and spit but the saliva just runs from her mouth. The recruits laugh]
Chi Fu I can see why, the boy's an absolute lunatic.
Shang [to the recruits] Okay gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Ping, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. And tomorrow, the real work begins.
[All recruits growl at Mulan]
Mushu [Popping out the front of Mulan's armor] You know, we have to work on your people skills.

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